mikoune

January 1st! A new year!

Actually, I could care less that it is now the start of 2007. It only means that I have to start writing 2007 instead of 2006. I only realized that it was so last night. My family was cooking hot pot, then. I don't like hot pot. And plus, the food took an even longer time to cook because we were using a frier. Barbecque is more of my taste. We popped some peach champange and my mom started the countdowm. Pfffft.

Who knew that 2006 was such a year of highs and lows for me? I have concluded the only strong outside-family 8 years worth of relationship in my life and I have sailed past that now. My dad's home is Hong Kong burned down and the whole family has gone nuts over it. I can't even think of what it would be like when I visit my grandmother's grave. I can't look at her photograph properly. And when I think of a fire or a ghost story, my mind goes berserk. I love my great auntie a lot. A lot of things have been happening. Her son died and she's not doing so hot with diabetes. My mom's sister (my aunt) is.... eh. Childhood perspectives really have turned the tables on me.

I'm glad that my family didn't know how badly I was crying in Mr. O'Connell's room. I would hate that. I used to get mocked and insulted by people for crying when I was younger. Everybody at school seems to think it's about death but I don't think about death as I'm not trained that to think that way. It's different. I have no excuses for my own trouble. For all the nasty and unfair things in the world, I'm going to keep on believing in hope and keeping my ideals. Regardless of what happens, I will keep to my orthodox and fight against what reality lashes at me. Reality doesn't always have to follow the life-sucks-andonly-if-you-have-luck-you-can-live-happily-and-peacefully rule. If life beats me down, beat it back.

My resolution: to be truely stronger than what I was 16 years ago and get into that great college even if I have to wait till I'm a grad.

Some people believe in fate...

I meant to accomplish a lot of things by December but never had I expected something like this to happen. It can't be "I mean to accomplish a lot of things", it's "I must and I will accomplish everything that I need to do".

I've been getting a lot of white hairs lately. Literally. But I had them taken out before I went out. Somebody joked to me once, saying that I would get all these white hairs if I did. Of course, back then, I was just pretending to be stressed out. Y'know just lazying around. I had a lot of confidence when school started but many things have happened. My head hurts. And not metaphorically. Sometimes I get stomach pains and for that reason, my physics and math is dying on me (although I did really well in the beginning).

I'm afraid to go back to Hong Kong. But the fear that I'm describing is something else. I can't explain it. But for me, Hong Kong meant a lot of things. Important things to me from the past.

But I'm never going to give up. There are some nice teachers in this school. But I had private talks with them and I know that I don't speak up in class. For many reasons, I don't. I want to work hard (for once) on my own and come to them on my own. Usually, teachers don't help crap and all that. I just like them for guidance or support like from my dad.

There are some people I don't like. It's not like they have done some personal wrong. But I just don't like them. People say that I'm too serious and I've been told that I'm rather narrow minded. But I prefer it that way. I have a dream. Although it doesn't seem like I recognize it, I will reach it eventually.

There is something (I don't care if it's world-changing) that I want to see in this lifetime. And I don't believe in reincarnation or all that junk. It pisses me off that I come off as being apathetic to some people. I don't want to. I have acted purposely to some people that way and I stuck with it. Mr. Staples once mentioned in "The Catcher in the Rye" that people don't like to get intimate with others in order to avoid being hurt. I hated the fact that the book was mocked. There are some jerky people in this school. And I will sound mean but I haven't met anybody in this school who strikes to me as being intellectual. I'm arrogant and cocky but I want to be challenged itellectually and to find somebody whom I can seriously compete for my dreams with. And I want change.

If I had only improved a little more at that time. If I had won that math prize back then... Just something. I feel like I should be sad. But to me, it comes off as being more fustrating. I don't mean to turn her away in my thought nor think poorly of her.

I wanted to say something... tell something to her.

Grandma died today. Because of an open electric circuit, the house was accidentally set on fire while she was using the kitchen. The burns were bad and the fire was so large that it was even printed in the news. And she couldn't get out in time. I hate to be mean but I don't know how to express my feelings at this moments. I had never properly known her but I have heard more about her the most out of all my other relatives. So I can't feel sad. But... I regret a bit that I didn't actually sat down and talked to her or sent her a recent photo of myself to her. But she was baptized before her passing and Dad told me that she would go to Heaven. I felt extremely relieved upon hearing that. She wasn't allowed a scapula to wear because the doctors wouldn't allow it and her situation was too critical. I heard about that yesterday. Dad didn't have to explain it to me because he was sitting right there besides me in my room last night. But I decided not to point that out. I'm not sure how the rest of our family feels towards Christianity if not Catholicism in general. But it turns out that there was priest who was available to perform the rites.

Although I didn't hear great things about her, never had I wanted anything bad to happen to her. It's been a long time since then. I don't know her. But I'll jsut leave it at that.

Dad is leaving for Hong Kong soon. As the eldest son, it is the proper thing to do. It's been awhile since something like this has happen. Ten years, I think? I hope that Dad is able to settle down and think calmy about this. I know that he didn't have a great relationship with her but I know that Dad will never be able to tell me the things that are going throught his mind and his heart. But those are his concerns, only. And what ever it is, I'll support him. The household is a bit shaky at the moment. But we'll be fine. And we always have been.

I feel like a freak for sounding so apathetic.

I think that there's a lot of people who think that I'm one of those angsty-type of artist who's screwed up and always out of pace. I just get ticked off when people act like morons. I mean, purposely acting like a moron to my face. I can't say how pissed off I get. I don't like to be teased.

I can't say that I have never put much thought into it. There are Koreans in this world who hate the Chinese and that goes the same for Chinese. I know that I no longer harbor much feelings of frienship towards her but she is of half of origins from Korea. I can be Chinese nationalistic at most times but Koreans are a part of my life. Their culture and their movie industry, especially, has been integregated into my way of life. I can't ignore their existance. I don't think much of Koreans but they have their own merits. I actually got called a fucking chink, online. Hahaha. I would probably beat the crap out of the first person who DARES to say that to my face in real life.

My feelings towards my parents... I feel that they have dragged me down a lot in my life but I can't help but feel sympathy for them. But regardless of their warnings based on life experiences, I still want to jump into the world. After consideration, I have realized that I have never felt the full dangers of the world. New York City which I love is extremely dangerous and there is NO spiderman of course to rescue you.

My views toward College and campus life have changed a bit. I still want to be sure of what I can do and what I want to do, though. I have a few names on my list. Regardless of whether they are private schools and are "name-brand", I want a college suited to my tastes and my goals.

And for once, I want to travel abroad and ride an airplace by myself.

I'm still filing away with that application. I have an equal-equal shot of getting accepted. I suppose that I could file it even when I'm in college but I prefer to have the whole year off before I leave. I have more enthusism than most people will ever know for this opportunity but I'll only let it slip by with my teachers. It wouldn't be too good if they knew what I'm planning on entering. I might get... excommunicated. HAHAHA!

I pulled this off from someone's entry. I died laughing from this. I bolded everything that I could relate to.

1. You look like you are 18 yrs old. - I'm sure that once I hit it, I'll look like until I hit middle-age.
2. You like to eat chicken feet. - That is, when I'm not anti-meat.
3. You suck on fish heads and fish fins. - Fried.
4. You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror.- Except for Snoppy in a bunny outfit and a gold cross in the back seat. And some tissues. I don't like anything else.
5. You sing karaoke.- ???
6. Your house is covered with tile.
7. Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease.
8. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
9. You leave the plastic covers on your remote control. - For a few years.
10. You've never kissed your mom or dad.
11. You've never hugged your mom or dad.
12. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
13. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses".
14. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.- Sixth grade.
15. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
16. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
17. You love to use coupons. - Naaah...
18. You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol.
19. You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.- My dad does that.
20. You take showers at night!- Everyone seems to do it in the mornings... Weird.
21. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.- But still, I don't take snacks.
22. You don' t mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
23. Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male.
24. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you. - I've always known that it's customary but I don't do that. I hate it when people pour it tea for me. So I yell and I do it instead.
25. You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.- I say "~Nyo".
26. You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.
27. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
28. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can re-use the paper. - Family used to.
29. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.- But I never send the cards out.
30. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
31. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.- My family except me.
32. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.- I'm still trying to clean it out.
33. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack. - Only until I have time to sort them out for the closet.
34. You have never used your dishwasher.
35. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times. - No such thing at home.
36. You eat all meals in the kitchen. - Dining room???
37. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
38. You have a piano in your living room. - Keyboard in my closet.
39. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth). - Never.
40. You twirl your pen around your fingers. - Only at school.
41. You hate to waste food.- That's why I don't put a lot in my bowl.
42. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
43. You don't own any real Tupperware only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers and jam jars.- Both.
44. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.- I don't use them but rather, I CLEAN THEM. It's a fricking pain in the ass to clean them!!! Coffee stains are easy to remove but if it's soup or oatmeal, again... Argh! I'm going to use that mean look again.
45. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.- I'm not cheap. But I always find them mysteriously popping up around the household. -_-;;
46. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These snacks are always dried and include dried plums, mango, ginger, and squid.- Not dried food. WET food.
47. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.- I do to my mom's fustration.
48. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.- He can.
49. The dashboard of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys.
50. You don't use measuring cups.
51. You beat eggs with chopsticks.-
52. You have a teacup with a cover on it.- Only just recently...
53. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information (*69) costs 50 cents.- But I rarely make calls.
54. You only make long distance calls after 11pm.- Family does.
55. If you are male, you clap at something funny and if you are female, you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth. - ...
56. You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.
57. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
58. You've learnt some form of martial arts.
59. Shaolin actually means something to you.
60. You like congee with thousand-year-old (century) eggs.
61. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
62. You never call your parents just to say hi.
63. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight. - When they're at work.
64. When you're sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods due to "yeet hay".
65. You know what yeet hay is.
66. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only 10 feet apart.
67. You use a face cloth.
68. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat place.
69. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
70. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again.
71. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
72. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
73. You know what moon cakes are.
74. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
75. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.- I don't know...
76. You iron your own shirts.
77. You play a musical instrument. - Badly.
78. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.- In a few days.
79. You've eaten a red bean popsicle.
80. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes. - Cake.
81. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. - I READ all the bills.
82. You majored in something practical like engineering, accounting, medicine or law. - Probably will. Along with a gazillion useless things.
83. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
84. You don't tip more than 10% at a restaurant, and if you do, you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
85. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.- Along with bitter tea and natto.
86. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
87. You know why there are 88 reasons.
88. You see the truth in this and then send it to all your Chinese friends.- Lazy!!

I felt bad that we didn't make it to the Frisbee Tournament for H block. I had a stomach cramp and we got annihilated in the second round. But the first round was great! I slammed that frisbee. I never thought that I could do it since I'm not tall. During this half of the year, I didn't just stand around and frisbee turned out to be fun even though I ended up mostly catching the frisbee rather than throwing.

But it's been great.

I made an entry under Wikipedia for Dave Wang. He deserves a spot of his own, doesn't he? The Finals are over. I was acting like an idiot. I spent so much time on Chemistry. Now I wish to paint the clouds. I love it when it rains in the summer.

"Farewell, My Concubine" is a good movie but I'm hesitant to finish it since I already know what happens in the movie. I wanted to start on the "The Conqueror of Chu" but my parents said that it't better if I watch it after the Finals. They're right about that.

I knew there was Mcdull but I had always paid attention to McMug. I loved reading those comics but the lady who owned the shop was really mean. *cough* But of course, I did purposely push her buttons back then. I want to go back to Hong Kong.... erm... next year! I would love to stock up on those books and learn how to travel by myself.

I've been cheated out of my wife cakes! I should have listened to that woman when she mentioned the word 'sea-food'. I'd much rather have the traditional taste of winter melons. Pineapple buns are great, too. I'm not very fond of the coconut, though.

I want to listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers. I'm not dying to hear them. But I would like to make a copy. My sister wouldn't give them to me. Blah.

I'm going to eat some chicken congee.

I have a good idea what to place in my new wardrobe. Abercrombie isn't so bad. I'll probably get yelled at by her for sure. But she might not notice. I'm not sorry to say that I don't want to hang out with her as much. She more or less has a boyfriend that she can worry about and I'm too busy to keep up our relationship.

I'm really interested in taking up the Qin and Xiao.

My history presentation on Iran and the Cold War went hay-wired. I'm not used to speaking more than normal to a group of people. But it wasn't one of those types of presentations that haunts me.

My birthday. Ah, 6/6/06. Not many people seemed to be aware of it. Most people were talking about the Apocalypse. I was really happy. Not I know I'm happy. But if I think about it, it was a really comfortable regular day. I talked a lot with my Dad (actually, I usually do), had a strawberry milkshake and Dad got something for dinner. I didn't really do my homework 'cept for math. Things were dandy. I wished my parents didn't watch the TV for so long and such a bloody and political series at that. Blah.

Basketball went well today.

DeathNote has come to an end.

It feels like my childhood has ended. I started reading that since I was 13. Another piece of myself is thrown out into the sea. Or rather, another side of myself is resurfacing. I foreshadow an unrelenting storm. I hate teenager years: the transition. I blame it on hormones.

My relationship with my sister and my friends are another level away from my relationship with my parents. It's not as though I want to ignore them on purpose (ok, sometimes) but nowadays, I increasingly want to spend more time with my parents. Even being around them and being yelled at them is enough for me. I keep looking away half the time to their displeasure. But I don't have that type of enjoyment and pleasure of being in one's company when I'm with them. My sister is too weird and I've noticed the increasing flaws in my friends (childhood ones, that is). When I grow up, I would probably want to be someone's wife. Hahahahaha. I'm that type of person who likes to devoted to a small group but those two, I don't know. I find immaturity intolerable. Younger children, I understand and I wholeheartedly accept that. But I don't enjoy being around with teenagers like them.

I want a rival. Somebody who fustrates the hell out of me but makes me swoon or admire them like mad. And I don't want to know them that well. I like to talk about culture. I want to be motivated and love them from afar.

I couldn't tolerate Heidi's comments at me. And I cannot tolerate her backstabbing to my mother. My mother works hard for the both of us.

And I hate wasting money.

/sigh/ I don't like to spend on impulse and plus, they need to be wiser when it comes to spending. Timing is important.

Return of the Condor Heroes! The romance gets a bit unbearable at times. I want to see Legend of the Condor Heroes. I like to vie for Yang Kang than Guo Jing but it's nice to see him in ROCH. Meteor Garden is a good show.

I decided that I'll study hard for school when I want to. It's not worth my time. There are so many other things that I could do.

I snapped a string. I didn't notice it right away and only after I took a nap did I notice. It's expensive to replace a string. If I had a dazi, I wouldn't have to go through much expense. I found out that she has a website when I went I tried to google for some strings. I don't like it.

Fortunately, there are sites that do sell individual strings, not just sets. I'm not sure if she'll notice. But I think that I would have bought the replacement strings anyways. The sound quality deterioated very quickly after I had first got it.

I'll order it, once I set up a paypal account.

Oh and I bought one sexy dress down at H&M.

I think I bruised my thumb while playing frisbee.

I nearly choked on my water (thanks to my sister).

I fell down the stairs. I didn't notice my cat was there. I didn't bother to turn on the lights in the house (the source of complaints that I've recieved from my family).

Energy conservor.

That Green House Club sounded intresting but I believe that I would be too poor at it.

I saw a bouquet of flowers at home.

It was very pretty. Gold. Green.

I thought it was too good to be true.

I almost butchered the thing.

I nearly ripped out a handful before I noticed that there was real soil.

So, it WASN'T plastic after all.

I tried asking for a cup of water in Mandarin. I stuck with Cantonese. I'm still trying to understand the 2005 edition of Return of the Condor Heroes. I picked up some of it.

Ah! Condemned to the life of an artist!

I use to score EXTREMELY LOW on the MCAS practice test for Math. I didn't even use Algebra until this year, seriously. Just answering the so-called "easy" math problems was a challenge for me. It was a wonder that I even passed Geometry. There was a complex going around in Middle School in the Math Dpt. But now, I can answer 95% of the questions without consulting the answers book or resorting to after-school help. Algebra power!

Pipa!

When I have some more time, I'll change the layout. Nobody believed when I said that I could read some of the characters in the subtitles. Blah! I'll memorize a few more and I'll show them! At least I can properly say the sounds and understand what Mandarin songs are all about.

The Return of the Condor Series 2005 version is really amazing and to my surprise, my head is absorbing more and more Chinese characters. I can speak Cantonese more fluently and pick up even more Mandarin. Of course, I never had a problem with speaking or listening in Cantonese. I realized something about the way I pick up another language, I don't stop to translate it to English but in of itself, I understand. I know that a lot of people would have noticed but I might as well put this down.